the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
