so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
