Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
