Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
