Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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