I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
