Me. At least after what I've been through.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
