forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
