frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
