Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
