His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
