I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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