Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
