She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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