i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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