Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
