New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so let's talk penis.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
