my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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