you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
