Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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