apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
