if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
