actually, I'm a sock model
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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