So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
