one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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