Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
