i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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