Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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