Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
