i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
