Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
