Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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