Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
