i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
