There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
