After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
