I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
