The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
