how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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