..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just found a bag of teeth...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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