I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
