is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
