you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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