I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
