farters have to be the big spoon...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
