I puked a lego.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
