my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
