This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
