you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
