Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
