Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
