she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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