My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
