remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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