I hate all girls vehemently.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
