Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
