I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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