come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
